Resolutions...

Isn't it funny that we wait till the bitter end of the year to make resolutions? It's only at the bitter end of the year, when we've made all of our mistakes and have had enough time to reflect and regret a lot of our decisions. It is only after we've spent ginormous amounts of money on Christmas gifts that will probably end up in the closet or lost in a junk drawer that we give our selves permission to purge and regurgitate the wastes of of our lives.

I'm guilty of it for sure.

The daunting questions of what my resolutions are for 2011 aren't complicated at all. I think after a few years, your resolutions seem to repeat itself since they were never resolved the year before. And so as I am making my mental list of what my resolutions are for the upcoming year, I'm slowly realizing that this "list" is starting to become a "bucket list." I mean, how many times does a resolution have to hit your resolution list before it becomes the "do it before you die" item feature of the year? or lifetime for that matter.

As depressing as that sounds, I'm kind of excited for the following year. I don't have many obligations this year and so, find no reason or excuses to not live life to the fullest. Yeah sure! Apparently the world is going to end at the end of 2012 so a bucket list seems appropriate if that is the truth, right? But if not, I'll just make another resolution list and update the ole' bucket list.

Weight loss has been my nemesis since giving birth to my third child. Realistically, I'm never going to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight without looking like a bulimic teenage girl, so my expectations are just going to be a little more realistic... like just lose enough weight where your body doesn't move by itself. All joking aside, I just want to be toned, fit, and feel better about me for me!

So I'm back on the WW plan and have every intention to hit the gym every day. I've come to the conclusion that the only reason to remain this way is my lack of motivation. I don't really need a partner to go with to the gym, because it's those solitary moments that I ache for. I don't really need praise, because I think I'm a pretty damn good cheerleader. And the only person I cheat on WW is myself, and the results SHOW if I am cheating.

Being Selfish, yes... this is a BAD thing in most cases. But when you've spent your entire life doing things to please others and getting absolutely nothing in return worth mentioning, it gets tiring. So I've promised myself to do things for me that I can appreciate without caring if someone else finds the same value. Now, don't go around thinking I'm going to neglect my marriage or my children, or any common sense obligations I have. I just mean simple things, like letting the laundry go, eating out a little bit more, buying myself something for a change instead of waiting for someone else to get the hints only to find they weren't paying attention in the first place. Yes... I'm going to be selfish in a self constructive way.

SCHOOL! Oh my gosh, this has been on my list forever!! But it kind of goes hand in hand with the whole selfish thing. My priorities were everyone else but me. School is the one thing that I want to accomplish more than anything else right now on this list. And when I do, it'll be mine... all mine.

Now, I understand that my priorities of course my marriage and children, but I'm wondering more and more in as much as I have sacrificed to allow their lives to be idea, why haven't I taken the initiative to put that much effort into my own goals? It's simple really, I've made excuses and put the blame on others when realistically I haven't motivated myself and have convinced myself that I'm too old. SCREW THAT!

A Better Life for me. Does this even need a description?

So there, it's a simple yet daunting list. A lot of my struggles will mostly come from myself. But I'm not discouraged. I know I'll accomplish all of these things with time. Most of it is just letting go of the unrealistic goals, the regret of not accomplishing what I've wanted than falling into a silent depression, and instead of being selfless, be selfish.