Never

It always seems like we use "never" as an excuse for everything. Either it be never have enough time or never enough things to do. Never, never, never.

I find myself saying never too often at times, I have to catch myself and internally remind myself to quit making excuses.

Our home is finally close to completion and I couldn't be more excited and overwhelmed at the same time. Maintaining two homes and transitioning it into one is a daunting task. Some days, I just don't want to do anything, but with so many people depending on MY next move, it's almost impossible to take a "don't give a crap" day.

The Living and Dining Areas

The Master Bedroom

When I chose the colors for our home, I decided to go with more bright and cheerful colors (I'll post more pictures in it's closer completion), in exception to the our master bedroom, I wanted it to be calming and welcoming. I did this not to shock my husband, but more to take away a lot of the dreaded memories of disaster we had from the fire. It's depressing to look back and see how much we lost and how much we've had sacrificed in terms of material posessions and time. Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful for the continued support and contributions our community has made to us, but psychologically and emotionally I don't think we'll ever recover.

Time has taken it's flight with our family, we've been constantly busy with the business, which is super great! But at the same time, tis' the season where I miss my husband and sometimes feel like a single mom contributing most of my time to my kids and their school functions. Holiday seasons are always so demanding at the school. I have my normal volunteer days for D's class which I absolutely LOVE! Then there are those festivals and class parties which I love doing as well, but our business also requires so much time and commitment -two things I lack with having to devote so much already to my family.

People say SAHM have it made, but I think it's this perception that leaves us obligated to take on more than we can handle. And because we struggle to maintain our position in society, we end up zipping or lips in fear that rejecting a favor asked would only lead to rejection from the other SAHM. Husband's regardless of how supportive they are tend to forget that we were work just as hard as they do to maintain the peace and calm that they come home to, but we don't ask for praise, we just ask for understanding. Especially when they come storming through the door frustrated that the kids are restless and the laundry is still scattered by the laundry room waiting to be sorted. It's not that this is what we wanted, but we just never have enough time. It's a frustrating situation.

Since being back in school, I've had to let certain pet peeves go to make room for what is important on my priority list of accomplishments for myself. I thoroughly enjoy being part of an institution that allows me to be... well, me. There is nothing in this world right now that I can be selfish about, that I own without any dependency on another person. In school I am accountable for what I give in, I'm praised by graded, engaged by conversation, and enlightened by hearing other stories. The 2 hours I spend twice a week, makes me feel more than a SAHM. Again, don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and wife, but there are those days where I just want to do something that I can reward myself without having to use the excuse of "I just need a break." I've come to the conclusion that I don't need a "break" persay, I just need something where I'm recognized more than just "Mom" or "Honey."

You can say I'm selfish in that aspect. Heck! I know I am. But 99% of the time I'm not. If only that could be understood. Empathize with the situation, it seems like mothers are the only ones that are expected too.