Bittersweet, Yet Oh So Exciting

The day has finally come where my little NOW preschooler has left the nest - okay, I know it's only twice a week for 3 hours at a time. But this is HUGE! Matthew and I have never been seperated for longer than an hour and normally I'm within a few steps away from him in another room.

Right before leaving, J decided to come along to see Matthew off on his first day. We were all so excited that he was able to do this. And quite honestly, I felt comforted to know that Jerry would be there for me to fall back on in case I lunged for the preschool class and snatched back my son, ha!

When we got to the classroom, all the parents were crowded before the doors. We stayed back a little and let the crowd of both experience and rookie moms have at it with their kids. Matthew was really observant, he didn't cry or get nervous nor did he kick himself out of his comfortable position in his daddy's arms to run around. Instead, he looked around and just watched the kids around with different emotions. Some were crying, some were overly excited, and some did the same as Matthew - just sat with their parents and waited.

A few minutes later I looked over to the hubs and saw that Matthew had his pacifier in his mouth. I thought that it might be a good time to wean him off of his pacifier by telling him that in the classroom he wasn't allowed to have it. But as empathetic as J was, he told me maybe it would be better if he kept it since it was his first day and all. But to both of our surprise, Matthew popped the sucker out and handed it to me with a big nice smile, "here Mommy!"

WHOA!!!!!

REALLY!!!!

Okay, who am I to fight this incredible gesture? Instead we placed it in his pocket and told him that if he needed it, it would be right there in his pocket.

We said our goodbye's, with J and I holding our tears back and just incredibly proud of our little guy for not having a complete melt down at the thresholds of his preschool class. We were proud parents, waved goodbye and went towards our car. I looked over to J and he was staring at his phone and we both just said, "awe."

I think I'm starting to understand that even though he's the youngest, he's not my "baby" persay. That's a tough thing to accept and allow. It truly feels like just yesterday I wrapped him so tightly in thermal blankets and held him in my arms thoughout the night just smelling his sweet skin. He is the last of my bunch and now I find myself in unfamiliar territory. A few hours a couple of times a week in a home oh so quiet, its deafening.

When I picked Matthew up from class he ran to my arms, holding on to a piece of paper with his cute Clifford Drawings and Paw Craft, elated to see me just as I was to see him. We stood there just hugging and giving sloppy kisses. I couldn't wait to hear all about his day, he kept rambling on and on up until we got about a block away from the school, when silence crept up again. I turned around to see my preschooler fast asleep.

He slept a good 2 hours afterwards at home, and it was so nice to be able to put him down and still manage to do some housework while he napped and the older boys were at Taekwondo class. For the first time in a longtime, I was able to do things at a slow pace. It was exciting and it was bittersweet and though the years pass through, I enjoy these moments where curiosity and new found amazement bewilders even me.